http://videos.matchdoctor.com/6719/Bruce_Hornsby_-_Mandolin_Rain.html

(too bad they’re playing the song in connection to one of the worst versions of pride and prejudice i have ever seen – booooooooo, keira knightley makes me want to stab myself each time i look at her scrunched up face)

god, why am i such a dork? seriously, bruce hornsby? i just can’t help myself!

also, i must have a thing for men named bruce…i love bruce springsteen (nothing beats ‘i’m on fire’ for good makeout music) and i totally lost my virginity a million years ago to some dude named bruce (*sigh* i should google him, but i’m sure the results would only disappoint me).

Woman sits on boyfriend’s toilet for 2 years

Girlfriend was physically stuck to the seat — her skin had grown around it.

NESS CITY, Kan. – Deputies said a woman in western Kansas sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for two years, and they’re investigating whether she was mistreated.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said a man called his office last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.

Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman’s 36-year-old boyfriend.

“She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body,” Whipple said. “It is hard to imagine. … I still have a hard time imagining it myself.”

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

“And her reply would be, ‘Maybe tomorrow,”’ Whipple said. “According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom.”

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was “somewhat disoriented,” and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

“She said that she didn’t need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave,” he said.

She was taken to a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.

Police have declined to release the couple’s names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

The case has been the buzz in Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

“I don’t think anybody can make any sense out of it,” he said.

Ellis said he had known the woman since she was a child but that he had not seen her for at least six years.

He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up. At one time the woman worked for a long-term care facility, he said, but he did not know what kind of work she did there.

“It really doesn’t surprise me,” Ellis said of the bathroom incident. “What surprises me is somebody wasn’t called in a bit earlier.”

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press.

…and i totally want to hump him.

i heard he’s dating parker posey. i can’t believe he’s cheating on me! (for reals, when i was a young girl, i always said keanu was going to be my second or third husband…)

i used to dream about marrying him. i first fell in love watching “i know my first name is steven”. i think i was 7.

ingredients: mushrooms (baby bella), green onions, veggie broth, sour cream, half and half.

make it work: chop up the mushrooms and green onions, saute them in a large pot. after about 10-15 minutes (the mushrooms should be pretty soft and cooking down), add some veggie broth (maybe 2 or 3 cups) and let that simmer for 15-20 minutes. take about 3/4 of the soup and toss it into a food processor. puree it, then add it back to the pot. add about 1/2 cup half and half and 1/2 cup sour cream. mix well, then serve.

just a few things i miss about the good ol’ days:

smurfs, fraggle rock, and the monchichis. my cabbage patch kid preemie. emmett otter’s jugband christmas. lunchboxes. madonna circa “papa don’t preach” – i had no idea what the song was about, but i loved the music video. skidz pants, stirrup pants, and lycra bike shorts (for everyday wear). not having to wear a bra. looking forward to getting my first period – wtf was i thinking?. luke skywalker and the ewoks. sunday night disney movies on abc. my brownies uniform. the book fair at school. not having to pay rent. not having any concept of what schmucks men can be. he-man and she-ra. making my barbies pretend to have sex – not to mention the barbie pool! nkotb, tiffany, and belinda carlisle.

p.s. al pacino used to be such a hottie. too bad he’s lost his looks, he looks like he’s been “rode hard, put away wet” as my dear friend megan likes to say about skanky women,

too bad you can see his wedding band…way to ruin the fantasy!

one of my favorite movies, sixteen candles, was on last night. i made alicia watch it with me. i love jake ryan. i wish he would pick me up after my sister’s wedding in his porsche, then take me home so we could eat cake and make out on a glass table top. that is my idea of heaven…no, seriously. *sigh*. jake! jake!

i also really love the scene in moonstruck where nicolas cage knocks over the table and then pretty much just rips cher’s clothes off. actually, i kind of love every scene in that movie, especially the opera sequence. too bad i live in VT and there is no opportunity (nor man) for me to get all dolled up for a night at the met.

scruff – i love it! i require it! the more beard, the better (unless you start to look amish); big hands, maybe a little rough, like they do lots of hammering or something; weird eyebrow patterns, but NO significant unibrows…a few stray hairs are okay, but if you groom your eyebrows…that’s just weird; deep voices – has anyone ever heard david beckham speak? so girly, it’s a shame; height – i’m sorry, i’m a shorty, but i just can’t get on board with short dudes…take steroids or something, i need you to be at least 5’9″ (unless your name is paul, in which case, i’ll take you whatever way so long as i can see you nekkid); when men hold doors open for you – this should be a no-brainer for them, but it isn’t, sadly; when they put their hand on the small of your back – similar in many ways to the ass-grab, but way more respectful; when they offer to PAY -i’m poor, yo, help me out!; funny guys…i’m slowly learning this is way more important than the hotness factor, although, LET’S FACE IT. I’M STILL SHALLOW; t-shirts on guys…they don’t have boobs, a t-shirt will lay better on them….and that reminds me….NO MAN BOOBS.  golly, all i can think about are things i don’t like. i may need to post again…

look! it’s christian bale, pouring you champagne! he’s happy you’re feeling better, too!

even though he can’t grow a real beard…i still luff him. *sigh*.

NOTE TO PROSPECTIVE SUITORS: THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO LOOK LIKE. don’t bother to shave, brush your hair, or even take a shower. the more homeless looking you appear, the more i will want to sleep with you.